How to Find Yourself Again After Becoming a Mom (Simple Hobby Ideas) -

The Moment I Realized I’d Lost Myself in Motherhood

My husband and I were on a double date with our friends who don’t yet have kids.

As we used our chopsticks to grab dumplings, I started telling a story about how my oldest had broken all four sets—using them as drumsticks.

My husband nudged my arm.
I was talking about the kids too much. Again.
Quietly eating my dumpling, I racked my brain for something else to talk about.
Every topic I could think of revolved around my kids.

As a Stay-at-Home mom, that’s not unusual.

But as the chatterbox, well-rounded person that I am… It stung.
It was the first time that I really saw how much I’d lost myself in motherhood.

And it’s not because I hate being a mother.
It’s the opposite, really. My life as a mom is SO filling and busy that it’s hard to have space for much else.

If you are looking for ways to find more time for yourself, I shared some simple ways to give moms a real break here.

Why So Many Moms Feel Like They Lose Themselves After Kids

But it hit me that I’d been neglecting all the other parts of me.

My interests.
My creativity.
My passion for knowledge.
The parts of me that existed before motherhood had quietly been set aside.

I didn’t realize how common it is for moms to feel like they’ve lost themselves after having kids. And how many moms are dying to find themselves again after becoming moms.

Beige background with text: Hobbies That Helped Me Feel Like Myself Again as a Mom

Getting My Pink Back (What do Flamingos Have to Do With Finding Yourself Again as a Mom?)

It was time to get my pink back. If you haven’t heard the phrase, it’s this beautiful analogy of how mother flamingos lose their pink coloring when they have babies. But as their babies grow—and their nutrients replenish—they regain their pink.

Moms have adopted this idea of “getting our pink back” as a way to explain the journey of losing ourselves a bit. Our bodies change. Our sleep changes. Health. Friendships. Job. Priorities. The list is never-ending.

With this metaphor—and inspiration from thousands of moms sharing their journeys online—I set out to “get my pink back.”

I just didn’t realize that I was going about it the wrong way.

My Attempt at “Getting Back to Me” (and Why It Didn’t Work)

So for a solid month, I made it my goal to overhaul everything and “get back to me.” I dragged my kids on coffee dates that went horribly. I checked out books that I didn’t have the bandwidth to read, even though pre-kid me would’ve devoured them. I tried to keep up with everything I did before I was a mom.

And it was an epic fail.
Humorous, really.

Because I was no closer to finding myself again as a mom and dangerously close to burnout. Which, if you’re a mom, you know is a really short trip. I was running myself into the ground trying to make it all fit. If this is you, I shared a simple nightly reset for overwhelmed moms that might help here.

A mom cleaning with a text overlay that says, "they weren't hobbies. They were homemaker tasks disguised as hobbies." A quote from the post that explores how moms struggle to find their identity again.

That’s when I realized that I didn’t need a whole life overhaul. I just needed to reconnect with small hobbies in sustainable ways. Hobbies that don’t fight against stay-at-home mom life.

The Hobbies I Thought I Had

Part of what made my realization so tough was the fact that I thought I had hobbies.

Organizing.
Baking.
Cooking.
Cleaning.

I have spent hundreds of hours meal-prepping, learning the best ways to get fingerprints off our stainless steel appliances, and organizing a Montessori-style toy rotation system.

But those weren’t actually hobbies. They were homemaker tasks disguised as hobbies.

Ugh.

So I Started Small (and That Changed Everything)

A friend of mine had recently learned Mah-jong and offered to teach me. We started having monthly Mah-Jong nights with two other mom friends after bedtime. I got to fill my social cup and learn something new.

While at the library with the kids, I decided to pick up a relaxing fiction book for me to read. And I did it again the next week. And the next. Until it became routine.

Once winter passed, I decided to get back into gardening. I finally planted the hydrangeas I’d always wanted in our backyard. And the kids each got to help shovel mulch and learn about how plants grow.

I started doing Pilates during nap time to move my body and stay grounded.

Then Something Started to Shift

As I slowly (and imperfectly) started to fit these hobbies into my routines, I started to notice a shift.

Little by little, I felt like myself again.

I had things to look forward to that didn’t involve housekeeping or meal time.
I had things to think about that had nothing to do with logistics or children.
I had something to talk about again.

And more importantly… I had something that felt like mine.

It doesn’t have to be complicated

I didn’t need to overhaul my life. I just needed to reconnect with small pieces of who I already was.
And give those pieces a little room to grow.

You can do this too.

You don’t need 3 hours a day to feel like yourself again.

You just need something that belongs to you.

That still counts. And sometimes… it’s exactly where you start finding yourself again.

Even if it’s small.
Even if it’s once a week.
Even if you’re doing it with kids in tow.

Simple Hobby Ideas for Moms (If You Don’t Know Where to Start)

If you don’t know where to start, borrow one of my hobbies. (Gardening, pilates, reading, or Mah-Jong).

And if you don’t like the ones I mentioned, here are a few more ideas:

Get an adult coloring book and markers, and color while your kids play.
Find a podcast on a topic you enjoy and listen on walks or during your morning coffee.
Look into classes at your local community center—pottery, art, anything that sounds fun.

It doesn’t matter what you try. Or if the first thing you try doesn’t land for you.

It only matters that you start.