Why Mother’s Day Can Feel Disappointing (and What No One Tells New Moms) -

Mother’s Day is supposed to feel special. But for a lot of new moms, it just… doesn’t. If you’ve ever ended the day feeling a little disappointed, you’re not alone.

The Tale of My First Mother’s Day

I hated my first Mother’s Day.

Didn’t love the second one either.

But, I only cried a little on my third.

No one really talks about the gap between what we expect Mother’s Day to be… and what it actually is.

Nobody told me about what Mother’s Day is really like for moms. Especially for moms of babies and toddlers.

Watching many friends from college and other walks of life become moms before me, I had an idea of what Mother’s Day would entail as a first-time-mom. Breakfast in bed, someone else would change all the poo diapers, curated family picture, and heartfelt cards. There would even be baby handprints involved.

May 14th, 2023 came and went like any other day.

Perhaps worse, though. Because my husband left for a business trip. So… For my first Mother’s Day, I got to solo parent. Happy Mother’s Day to Me?

And I know he didn’t want to go. He hates leaving us for work trips, but you know… corporate America and we need the health benefits and the income… So whaddayou do about it?

Cry.

Ugly cry.

In the shower.

With a 5 month old in his pack’n’play right outside the door.

I wasn’t even crying because of anything particularly challenging or bad that day. I was crying because I was seeing all of my mom friends posting pictures of brunch or getting manicures while I was reading Llama Llama for the thousandth time. And I freaking love reading to my babies.

That’s what made it confusing.

The Expectation vs Reality

It wasn’t even about the day itself. It was the gap between expectation and reality. The illusion of what Mother’s Day is supposed to feel like, colliding with what it actually looks like to mother a baby.

God, that was before I was met with the reality of parenting a toddler while pregnant and two-under-two…

I’m Not Alone

Turns out, it wasn’t just me. I have friends who’ve felt it, too. Here’s what fellow moms have told be about why Mother’s Day feels disappointing.

A second friend’s husband took her family out to an amazing restaurant to celebrate. He checked all the boxes: reservations, flowers, and cards. But turns out, sleep training her youngest while potty training her toddler meant the bulk of her day was still spent washing pee from her sofa, sleep-deprived. The celebratory dinner felt like a condolence prize more than a celebration.

Another friend simply starting crying when I’d asked about her Mother’s Day.

“I don’t know how many times I can plaster on a smile and say it was so great when I spent Mother’s Day brunch nursing a baby in the car while my husband and in-laws enjoyed their bottomless mimosas,” she confessed.

Since then, I’ve learned a few things. Things I wish I could go back and tell myself.

What I Wish I Knew Before My First Mother’s Day (Real Expectations for New Moms)

You will probably still be doing most of the mothering.
Or parenting. Or caregiving. Even house managing.
Most of the tasks on your plate will likely still be on your plate on Mother’s Day.
You might still be packing the diaper bag, cutting the food, and wiping faces.
If your little one is joining brunch or dinner, there’s a good chance you’ll still be the one asking if the restaurant has a changing table.
A “break” might look like ten quiet minutes instead of a full day off.
And ten minutes is still a break.
But it can feel disappointing when you were expecting more.
The day doesn’t suddenly feel magical just since it’s Mother’s Day.
You don’t magically feel more rested, more appreciated, or more like yourself.
Little kids don’t suddenly understand the assignment.
It often gets sweeter as the kids get older.
When they can participate.
When they can help.
When they can wipe their own booties.
A social media break on Mother’s Day is well worth it.
Because comparison has a way of turning a perfectly normal day into something that feels like it’s not enough.
And most of what shaped your expectations in the first place… came from there.
How the day feels is not a measure of your worth as a mom.
If the day doesn’t feel special, it doesn’t mean that you aren’t.
It just means you’re in the thick of motherhood.

My Takeaways for This Coming Mother’s Day

As I gear up for my fourth Mother’s Day, I’m setting the bar low. High chances I’ll be up in the middle of the night with a three-year-old who just learned that he is afraid of the dark. I’ll still have laundry to fold and counters to wipe. The kids might cry during an attempt at a family photo. And I might not close out the day feeling particularly magical. But I still think that being a mom is one of the most magical things about me.

If Mother’s Day Feels Disappointing, This Is For You

If you’re heading into this Mother’s Day with hesitation, or dread, you’re not alone.

Here are some small ways you can make the day feel lighter:

Lower the bar (like, really low)
Not because you don’t deserve more. But because the unmet expectations sting the most.
Ask for what you actually want.
Even if it feels awkward. Even if it’s as simple as “I’d love an hour alone.”
Build in one small thing that’s just for you.
It doesn’t have to be big to count. Going for a walk. Getting a coffee. Twenty minutes of reading. Or finally using that face mask you’ve been holding onto.
Stay off social media if you need to.
Protect your peace and steer clear of comparing yourself.

None of these will magically make the day perfect.

But they might help Mother’s Day feel like yours.

Before You Go

Remember that Mother’s Day is not a measure of how loved you are. And it’s not a measure of how good of a mom you are, either.

So if your day is doesn’t feel magical, it doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong.

It just means that you are in the thick of it. The sleepless nights, the constant needs, and the invisible mental load.

Even if it doesn’t feel extraordinary… You still are.